Regal news: presidential edition

News is emerging that to accompany her rather grand regal move into the expensive purple carpeted environs of her “strategic leadership” suite on the third floor of the Counts Louse, Bristol City Council Chief Exec Jan Ormondroyd originally had something a little presidential planned.

Talk overheard among her fellow “strategic leaders” – I kid you not – has apparently been of a “first 100 days” strategy in their new suite of offices.

It’s believed that this insanely deluded plan, which could only be hatched by a shower of hopelessly overpromoted local government middle managers, was meant to kick off with Jan’s puff piece by nice but dim local journalist Tom Phillips in the Venue last week and then roll out from there.

Alas the plan immediately ran in to the sand when Jan used the Venue article to make some blatantly political policy statements, which immediately led to her being deservedly slapped down by politicians and told to keep her trap shut.

Since then, rather than the steady flow of positive PR and fabulous achievement that might accompany a skilled presidential “100 days’ strategy”, Jan’s office move has largely been accompanied by a series of embarrassing leaks and blunders (Blogger passim).

Now we learn, just two weeks in to her grand strategy, that panic is breaking out across the third floor because, entirely predictably, a Freedom of Information request has gone to the council asking how much this upmarket suite of offices has cost the council taxpayer.

Also included in the request are the details of the Chief Exec’s salary and the details of her new part time working arrangements (on full salary!).

And suddenly, it seems – perhaps a little late in the day – Jan’s expert political antennae are telling her that details of her expenditure on expensive carpet, furniture, curtains, bullet proof glass as well as on a strategic leadership fridge and coffee machine may not go down that well with the Bristolian public at large.

Most of whom are already outraged with what they’re hearing about MPs expenditure and the greedy self-serving sense of entitlement that seems to accompany public service these days.

Watch this space …

Meanwhile in another fascinating twist, it looks like member of Jan’s strategic leadership team is up for a pay rise … Before they’ve even done anything!

The agenda for tomorrow’s Human Resources Committee meeting at the Counts Louse includes the item: ‘Strategic Director: Resources – resolution of the selection committee re: market supplement’.

In other words recently appointed new finance boss, Will Godfrey, has demanded a pay rise before he’s even started the job! This we’re told is a “market supplement” to Godfrey’s pay to reflect private sector pay. This is odd because Godfrey’s yet another career civil servant. Why should he get private sector rates all of a sudden?

Isn’t it fast becoming the case that the only solid achievement that Ormondroyd can point to in her year in office is to have raised the salaries of senior officers to extraordinary levels for no apparent return?

Posted in Bristol, FOI, Local government, Politics | Tagged , , , , | There are 5 comments

Outsourcing news

Was it just last week that reader Dona Qixota told us:

So what’s wrong with the Council’s communications department then?

And how much is it costing taxpayers for Brandon Hill Communications to tell us what a brilliant job Safer Bristol are doing on drugs and crime?

Great. The council are now using the Merchant Venturers’ PR firm.

And then yesterday we had this from new blogger on the block, Jones the News, from Original FM :

A community activist from Stokes Croft has attacked current police and council policy on street drinking as a “merry go round”.

And who did Jones contact for a comment?

Original contacted Safer Bristol Partnership, the umbrella organisation for the police and council, but they declined to comment.

Excellent. I wonder how much we’re paying for this incisive, cutting edge, state of the art private sector PR and communications talent?

Posted in Blogging, Bristol, Journalism, Local government, Media, Merchant Venturers, Politics | Tagged , , | There are 2 comments

Court circular #5

Still no sign of a CONsultant plumber on the third floor of the Counts Louse to fix the leaks …

Today we hear that this copper from Sheffield who doesn’t know where Easton is who’s been put put in charge of marketing the city for no coherent reason doesn’t actually bother to live here!

Apparently his family’s still living up north and he’s not bothering to buy a house in Bristol and actually live here as the game plan is obviously to spend a couple of years in Bristol as a staging post to a chief executive’s post somewhere else.

This might explain the desperate desire for a personal CONsultant ‘reputation manager’ mightn’t it? Are we forking out our council tax to help him get a better job by any chance?

Although, it must be said, the copper’s personal ‘reputation manager’, Mark Fletcher, needs to up his game and dust off his web skills a bit.

Any potential employer researching the copper on the internet will indeed discover he has a reputation. But possibly not one that anybody’s going to be wanting to buy a piece of for a six-figure salary.

Google “Jon House” Bristol and you’ll find that already no less than three of the first ten entries come courtesy of The Bristol Blogger. Ho, ho.

I wonder if the copper’s realised yet? Or maybe he doesn’t “do” the internet?

Mind you, if spending public money on enhancing your personal reputation is such a good use of cash, perhaps this preening halfwit copper should consider paying a retainer of a couple of hundred quid a day to the Blogger?

I’m sure we could do wonders very quickly for his increasingly tattered reputation …

The Strategic Leadership fridge story is being held over until tomorrow due to the excessive amount of material still pouring in about this daft copper.

Posted in Bristol, CONsultants, Local government, Politics | Tagged , , , , , | There are no comments yet

Court circular #4

Thanks to reader Overayard, we have some more news on the latest ludicrous private sector CONsultant to board the Counts Louse gravy train, Mark Fletcher.

Fletcher is a senior partner at the fashionable (ie. expensive) PR and communications agency ‘Reputation’. And it appears his unique selling point (or USP as they no doubt say in strategic leadership circles) is that he’s written a book, Managing Communication in Local Government.

And guess what this well-paid communications CONsultant to local government says in his book?

Only that the problem with local government lies – can you believe? – with their communications and PR. A problem that can be conveniently solved by … Wait for it … Expensive PR CONsultants such as himself!

Brilliant isn’t it? No actually it’s a load of bollocks.

As we’ve heard before, employ an IT CONsultant and they’ll tell you the problem’s IT; employ an accountancy CONsultant and they’ll tell you the problem’s accounting; employ a PR CONsultant and – wow! – the problem’s PR.

Although it now rather looks like the current problem at the city council is Fletcher himself as he appears to have broken the number one rule of PR – don’t become the story.

And trust us Mark, you really will be the story once those FoI requests start going in and we find out how much you’re earning, what your advice consists of, what hotels we’ve been putting you up in and all the other embarrassing little details of this self-serving rip-off you’re perpetrating upon our city.

In the circumstances, why not clear off back up north, or wherever the hell you come from, and just leave a note in big letters for Chief Exec Ormondroyd and that daft copper you’re working for that tells the truth: “THE PROBLEM IS THE SERVICES YOU ARE DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR ARE SHIT. GET OFF YOUR LAZY ARSES AND IMPROVE THEM. PR AND COMMUNICATIONS ARE POINTLESS UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE THIS”.

Simple innit?

Meanwhile more news on the idle copper from Sheffield who doesn’t know where Easton is who’s running this whole pricey communications/marketing/PR farrago.

It seems that when he learned that boss Ormondroyd was employing a new £47k a year “executive support assistant” he started stamping his feet and having little tantrums and has bagged himself one as well now!

It’s a good wheeze this. Get a job on £150k and then employ somebody else to read your emails and write your reports ’cause you can’t be arsed.

And how much exactly is this costing us all? Have the politicians agreed to these absurd levels of expenditure on more personal assistants and personal CONsultants? And what are we getting for the money? Will the result be better schools? Better transport? Better social care? Better housing?

Er, no … We’ll get a fake reputation and an embarrassing image dreamt up by career local government officers and a sodding copper.

Posted in Bristol, CONsultants, FOI, IT, Local government, Media, Politics | Tagged , , , , | There are 8 comments

Court circular #3

More news drifts in about this copper from Sheffield who doesn’t know where Easton is that’s been put in charge of marketing at the city council on a salary of just £140k a year.

A reader writes:

Why does Bistol City Council employ a deputy chief executive on £150k a year if he doesn’t read emails or any reports? It almost makes you nostalgic for Terry Wagstaff. At least he took the time to read reports and spoke from a basis of experience and understanding!

But why bother with experience and understanding when you can get someone to squander hundreds of thousands of pounds on complete and utter self-serving nonsense of no consequence to anyone?

Because today we learned that this deranged copper has now employed a personal communications guru by the name of Mark Fletcher. (Any news on sightings most welcome)

I wonder how much this latest peculiar escapade is costing the council?

But money well spent isn’t it? Just as the copper’s reputation deservedly crashes to near zero we learn he has paid good money for a Counts Louse superannuated communications fuckwit to manage the process for him. Ho, ho!

Maybe the copper would be better off with a plumber to fix the leaks?

The Blogger’s also learned that the council has now decided to employ headhunters – on a fat fee naturally – to search for a new Communications Director. None of the short listed candidates were apparently good enough to “reflect well on me,” the copper recently told a group of sniggering officers.

We’ve also been told the copper’s convinced that if they get the communications right, people will start to love the council. So prepare for an onslaught of rubbish public sector”communications” then.

Because, of course, we’re all so fucking stupid we’re not going to notice the third rate services the copper is actually providing to us at our expense once those crappy glossy leaflets start coming through the door and his communications man Mark starts delivering his flowery little press releases to the local press are we?

Does the copper not realise we’re Bristolians? Therefore we don’t have shit for brains like he does. Can someone just sack this money wasting plonker now please? For all our sakes.

More court news tomorrow …

Posted in Bristol, CONsultants, Local government, Politics | Tagged , | There are 4 comments

Court circular #2

Murky Depths writes …

You may be interested to know that at a meeting I attended earlier this year the esteemed Mr House (Deputy Chief Exec) made a BIG show of the fact that he ‘doesn’t do email‘, saying that he refuses to have an email account in his office, and that his PA deals with all emails addressed to him.

At the time the assembled masses thought that was (i) fucking lazy and (ii)) a really handy way to shirk responsibility by being able to plausibly deny ever seeing something that he should have.

Although, to be fair, typing is probably difficult if you are waiting to evolve thumbs…

Let’s get this straight: our local authority is now paying some copper who doesn’t read their correspondence £140k a year to do marketing?

Why would anyone in their right mind do this?

Presumably the city council’s rigorous recruitment process designed to hook “the best in the business” doesn’t enquire in to whether the candidates actually bother to read their correspondence then?

Posted in Bristol, IT, Local government, Politics | Tagged , | There are 9 comments

Court circular #1

By Shitstirrer

Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear!

Less than a year into city council Chief Exec Jan Ormondroyd’s “strategic leadership” dream, with the purple regal carpet barely fitted and the bullet-proof glass not yet removed due its complete impracticality, we hear all is not well within the glorious new dynasty.

It seems, as anyone could have told Jan before she appointed him, that her deputy – that copper from Sheffield who doesn’t know where Easton is – is “a prize cock full of shit”.

Indeed we’re reliably told by our man gently padding the new purple carpet in the heart of Jan’s gleaming new open plan management operation that any officer answerable to Deputy Dawg now always emails him along with a cc. copy to Jan so she knows what’s (not) going on. Relationships, to say the least, are being described as “increasingly strained”.

Meanwhile Jan’s highly fashionable, highly expensive open plan, open house regal suite of offices are said to be not what they may appear. “It’s just a load of PR bollocks to try and make them look good,” says our man.

For instance, planning boss David Bishop is still maintaining a private office in Brunel House we learn.

So should he need to do any of those secretive, unminuted private business deals with local millionaires he’s so fond of, he just pops across the road out of the way for a couple of hours and then pops back again later to play “transparency and openness” with Jan and the rest of his senior colleagues in the new offices.

Posted in Bristol, Local government, Politics | Tagged , , , | There is 1 comment

RTPI

It looks like the city council’s planning officers are off doing whatever the hell they feel like again to help their private developer friends without going to the bother of consulting elected politicians.

It says here that the Royal Town Planning Institute’s networks, “provide a forum for linking planners in the public and private sectors with representatives of the wider property and development industry”, which is nice isn’t it?

But, we’re told, these poor multi-millionaire property developer types are apparently having a bit of a hard time, what with the state of the economy and everything else at present.

And would you believe that just last month the RTPI debated, here in Bristol with attendees from across the UK, the future of section 106 agreements – which dictate how much developers should give to us, the public, in terms of cash, benefits and services in exchange for building their profitable blocks of buy-to-let high-end flats?

And would you believe, “the opening proposition was put by Bristol City Council head of major projects Gary Collins”?

And would you believe he said, “his authority has devised a concordat with the local property sector that aims to reduce the burden of existing planning conditions and section 106 agreements in the hope of maintaining delivery on key schemes.”

Is, by any chance, a city council CONcordat similar to a city council CONsultation?

All nice and cosy isn’t it? Private property developers – who are supposed to bear risk – get hit by the recession so, we, the public, thanks to the city council, have to immediately pick up the tab and forego various public service and infrastructure necessities we might need as a direct result of these major development schemes.

So forget, for the foreseeable future – courtesy of our poor, downtrodden private developer friends at least – any new schools, public transport improvements or the affordable housing we still urgently need despite what must have been the boom time S.106 deals negotiated by the council until recently.

Oh, and did we miss it? Where was the announcement from the city’s political leadership of this new policy favouring private property development interests and profits over our collective needs?

Or are major policy announcements for the city now made by unelected town planners at obscure networking events?

Posted in Bristol, CONsultants, Developments, Education, Housing, Local government, Planning, Politics, Transport | Tagged , , | There are 27 comments

Ormondroyd: the interview

Shambolically useless interview with Chief Exec Bum Disease Ormondroyd in this week’s issue of Venue.

Unfortunately I’ve left my copy at work so can’t post it in full until tomorrow but mainly the interview’s a study in what happens if you let an uninformed arty-farty twit from Southville conduct a political interview and I’ve twittered various comments on it already.

The key claims made by Ormondroyd consist of what she sees as “the challenges” for the city. These are congestion, which she says we need to have “a debate about”. Education, which is “improving” (go tell that to parents of four year olds) and “selling the city”, which we don’t do enough of apparently, as if anyone really cares.

The one that caught the Blogger’s eye was this idea that we should have a debate about congestion. What? After Jan’s sent a Transport Innovation Fund (TIF) bid to London agreeing to “demand management measures” – or a congestion charge as normal people call it – for Bristol?

So it’s decide first and debate afterwards is it? What’s the fucking point of that Jan? You’ve already taken the decision. Now you want us to have a false debate for PR purposes. You really think we’re stupid don’t you?

Perhaps a better debate we might be having is one about whether we need these mendacious little shits running the council on six-figure salaries any longer?

Unfortunately not a debate we’re likely to get in our abominable local press.

Posted in Bristol, Congestion charge, Education, Journalism, Local government, Media, Politics, Transport | Tagged , , , | There are 27 comments

Bank holiday Tesco slag off space filler

As news filters through that City Chairman Steve Lansdown may be about to generously give us a large Tescos retail shed in exchange for our greenbelt land at Ashton Vale to build his new football stadium on, it might be worth identifying some of the tossers who will be promoting all the nonsense we’re going to start encountering very soon indeed.

First on the list is a dreadful little twat called Felix, Tescos PR man for the south west who’s been putting himself about in Hanham recently.

No doubt he’ll soon be getting a free rein at the Cancer to explain over and over again how many low-paid McJobs his warehouse and car park combo is going to create and what a fantastic economic benefit the whole charade will be for south Bristol.

Felix’s surname, by the way, is Gummer and rather conveniently his daddy’s company provides “corporate responsibility solutions” to Tesco’s board.

Daddy being John, the former Tory minister.

Hat tip: Private Eye

Posted in Ashton Vale, Bristol, Bristol Evening Post, Bristol South, Conservatives, Developments, Environment, Merchant Venturers, Planning, Politics, Southville | Tagged , , , , | There are 4 comments