Evelyn Post: Lost and Found

Bristol Arena

(Cartoon by Evelyn Post. Evelyn Post is The Bristol Blogger’s resident cartoonist. He has a woman’s name)

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Olympic logo New World Order conspiracy proof

Yes. It had to be. The London Olympics are “in on it too”. Proof positive that a world Zionist conspiracy is afoot:

Olympic logo; Zion

My favourite conspiracy theory of the moment is one claiming that John Lennon was shot by novelist Stephen King. The proof is here. (Hat tip: Olly’s Onions)

Posted in Conspiracy theories | | There are 3 comments

The Friday night half-pissed post

The Blogger was supposed to write the fourth and final part of his ‘Labour home care policy unveiled’ trilogy (yeah, yeah I know but I don’t know what you call a four-parter) tonight.

However, what with a visit to the pub on the way home and a night out at the Venue 25th Anniversary Party – despite not being invited (twice) – still to come, time is not on The Blogger’s side.

Instead a few pieces of housekeeping…

First. I got up this morning, switched on my computer and fired up the internet only to be confronted with some fucking iGoogle page with something called ‘Voscur Aggregator’ taking pride of place. I wonder if any member of my readership can shed any light on this? I mean, mornings are bad enough already without having to put up with Bristol voluntary sector/Labour Party diversity agenda non-news being involuntarily hurled at you from the comfort of your own computer. Awful.

Elsewhere, The Blogger’s managed to impress someone. (Not sure how).

So what made it interesting and caused me to go? Well, in a nutshell, it was this person, The Bristol Blogger. At times it’s not the most work safe blog language wise, and it doesn’t mince its words, but its analysis of the power struggles going on over the last few weeks, and what was likely to happen at the meeting I attended, made it so engaging that I wanted to get down there and be part of it.

This whole of this dangerously complimentary post can be found on something called delib. I don’t who they are but I’m gonna return to this ’cause it says some very interesting things about the relationship of bureaucracy to democracy in this town and I’m desperate for stories at the moment.

Also The Blogger’s Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks‘ post last night has been featured in The First Post’sBest of the Web‘… Which makes you wonder what the worst of the web is like really.

And finally… Top tips for new bloggers…

Obvious really. If you include terms such as “lesbian”, “sex” and “cocaine” in your posts, the level of traffic on your blog increases lots. And lots. And lots.

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Hot lesbo stat shocker!!!!

These WordPress blogs come with some quite nifty features including a variety of easily accessible stats about the blog. The Blogger can even find out what links on the blog have been clicked on.

Usually this is fairly uninteresting. On a good day, maybe four people have clicked on Charlie Bolton’s blog; three or so might have gone to have a look at the Bone Blog; a couple of brave souls have clicked through to Alex Woodman’s blog and so on.

It’s consistently low traffic as a rule. Well it was until Tuesday when The Blogger posted a link to The Sunday People‘s story – “COCAINE EMILY’S LESBIAN FRENZY” – when 35 of you suddenly had an urgent need to obtain further information on this important story.

At least The Blogger now knows his audience a bit better…

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Hateworld… Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks

Hate World

Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, bollocks.

The Blogger’s cunning plan to spend the summer with his feet up, wired in to a load of Big Brother news feeds in order to regurgitate tabloid shite as thinly disguised critiques of media values has gone tits-up. Early this morning that daft cow Emily Parr was booted off Big Brother “for using a racially offensive word”.

It seems the Bristolian BB contestant said: “Are you pushing it out, you nigger/nigga/niggah?” to black contestant Charley Uchea, while they were dancing in the living room on Wednesday evening.

This was too much for the media creative producers of Big Brother – the Channel 4/Endemol axis – who are still struggling to understand that real people, their actions and their speech aren’t going to neatly fit into a set of polite guidelines invented by the committee of retired judges and unemployable Labour Party hangers-on of OFCOM.

Various arguments are now raging across the net and media over the use of what the BBC is reporting as “the n-word”. Some argue nigger is a taboo word and that Parr got what was coming to her. Others point out that the word is in fact rather common, particularly among young people, and point to things like 50 Cent’s number one bestselling record Get Rich or Die Tryin’ broadcast permanaently across the airwaves a few years back, which mentions nigga/niggaz about 200 times in under an hour. See for yourself.

Confusing innit?

As for Parr, awarding herself 10/10 for intelligence on entering the house has predictably gone awry. She now finds herself a virtual prisoner of panicking Channel 4/Endemol media creative types as they embark on yet another of their crazed bouts of “news management” to distance themselves from that most horrifying of all accusations for the white middle class liberal – “racist”.

Meanwhile Parr’s parents in Downend have disappeared sharpish, telling The Evening Cancer they are unable to comment “for legal reasons”. What fucking law is that then? When did speaking to the press become a crime?

More likely they too have been persuaded to shut up by Channel 4/Endemol “for PR reasons”. Ho, ho, ho. It’s chaos!

Posted in Blogging, Bristol, Journalism, Media | | There are 4 comments

Hateworld

Hate World

If you want to find The Blogger you could do worse than visit the Panache nightclub on All Saints Street where he might be spending time doing some in-depth research on an exciting new demographic discovered there by The Sunday People.

According to the tabloid, the place is full of wild 19 year old female students spending £100 a night on cocaine and having hot lesbian sex in the toilets. As reporter James Milbank explains, in gruesome detail, in his measured and sensible article – COCAINE EMILY’S LESBIAN FRENZY:

“Each week we would all go out to the Panache nightclub in Bristol with other drama students and get completely off our heads.
“They were wild nights and Emily would be at the centre of it.
“She would take cocaine and then start getting off with all the girls in the toilets – she didn’t care about anything.
“I remember seeing her snorting cocaine off the toilet seat in the club with all the girls around her. Once I was in the toilets and I was completely hammered but Emily came up to me as I was looking in the mirror.
“I knew what she wanted and she came over to me and slipped her hands under my top and to get her hands on my breasts.
“She pulled my top up and just stared at my breasts but I wouldn’t let her touch them.”

And it goes… In a similar vein for quite a long time. The rest is here if you feel you need to read it all.

In related news, Andrew Keen, author of The Cult of the Amateur: How Today’s Internet is Killing Our Culture and Assaulting Our Economy, appeared on Newsnight last night trying to flog his stupid book.

Keen, a failed internet entrepreneur now living in Berkley California, spends his time slagging off “online amateurs spawned by the digital revolution” who he thinks “have had a destructive impact on our culture, economy and values”.

He complains that blogs are “collectively corrupting and confusing popular opinion about everything from politics, to commerce, to arts and culture”.

And he warns that “old media” are facing extinction – “say goodbye to experts and cultural gatekeepers – our reporters, news anchors, editors, music companies and Hollywood movie studios,” wails the author in search of a fast buck.

Presumably he’s referring to “experts” and “cultural gatekeepers” such as, er… The People’s James Millbank!

Where would we be without him?

********STOP PRESS********

The Blogger can report that Emily has now been nominated for eviction from the Big Brother house – along with the disturbed and disturbing Shabnam – by former boyband member Ziggy.

It seems Emily got into some kind of contretemps with the Victoria Beckham wannabe Chanelle over the house hair straighteners. Apparently hair straighteners are a preference for Emily but not for Chanelle.

Unfortunately it turns out Ziggy fancies Chanelle so he now doesn’t like Emily and so she’s nominated.

What The Blogger finds extraordinary about this – at the risk of further accusations of homophobia – is that there’s a former member of boyband Northern Line who’s apparently not gay. Look for yourself:

Northern Line

And finally…

The Blogger has tracked down some rare footage of that recently banned Olympic logo video:

Olympic logo

Posted in Blogging, Bristol, Media | | There are 2 comments

Rewriting history: Labour home care policy unveiled (part three)

Sign post

First we had Helen Holland announcing her new “transparent” city council management culture. Then we had Peter Hammond announcing his secret uncosted non-plan for home care. Now Bristol Labour’s finance – ahem – expert, John Bees is getting in on the act and running the city council by newspaper too.

No doubt in the interests of balance, The Cancer dispensed with the need for a journalist or any kind of commentary or analysis in his particular case and just printed Bees’ peculiar ravings in full, unedited on the letters page.

During his rambling address to the people, or at least that increasing minority of people that still read The Cancer, Bees – after blaming the Lib Dems for everything… Ever! – attempted to explain away his financial management of the city council two years ago when the social services department went into financial meltdown.

“[The Lib Dems] continue to claim there was a £17 million deficit on the council budget when Labour was in charge. In the first place this was a projected overspend, which Labour stopped dead in its tracks, and Labour plugged a much smaller funding gap without any need for a council tax increase,” thundered Bees.

This, I believe, is a reference to Bees’ and his then boss Hammond’s famous fictional budget of 2005. The one where they expressed the dubious opinion that their social services debt was “just” £7.1m. An opinion completely rejected by their own Public Accounts Committee who said the debt was impossible to quantify.

Indeed such bollocks was their opinion, neurotic lightweight Hammond went off sick at the thought of having to present it with a straight face to the full council. Unfortunately Bees appears to have overlooked these nuggets of information during his correspondence to the people.

Neither is he very keen to explain the exact details of how he bravely and selflessly “plugged a much smaller funding gap” in social services. Probably because he doesn’t want to own up to the fact that he – along with Hammond and their then social services boss, Robin Moss – brutally cut services to the elderly and disabled.

Some of us haven’t forgotten Bristol Labour’s FACS (Fair Access to Care Services) stormtroopers charged with making these cuts. Nor have we all forgotten those good old days under Bees’ financial management when every meals-on-wheels application had to be personally considered (and rejected) by social services’ Chief Officer, the useless Bill McKitterick.

That was before, of course, Bees, Hammond, Holland & Co organised a large payment from the crisis hit social services budget for McKitterick to disappear and shut up about their party’s incompetent management of the city’s social services over many years.

The Blogger recalls Bees “plugg[ing] a much smaller funding gap” only too well. On a trip to Hartcliffe in early 2005, The Blogger was introduced to one of Bees’ former social service clients who was forced to personally plug this gap. We shall call him Jack.

Jack had Alzheimers and after a FACS assessment his day care service was removed. Instead he was left in his flat to care for himself and live off microwave meals. When The Blogger asked Jack to switch on his microwave, it took him four attempts to eventually get the dial to set to 38 minutes. When The Blogger asked Jack to turn the dial to five minutes – as he would need for a microwave meal – Jack was unable to do so…

Bees may well believe, somewhere inside his sad little mind, that he heroically stopped the social services budget dead in its tracks. It’s just lucky Jack’s not dead in his tracks too.

Not something that Bees’ and his colleagues on their mission of self-aggrandisement through the local paper are likely to worry themselves too much about now. Although social service users should be very worried indeed…

Posted in Bristol, Home Care, Labour Party, Local elections 2007, Local government, Trade Unionism | | There is 1 comment

Spot the commitment: Labour home care policy unveiled (part two)

Sign Post

So where’s Labour’s commitment to “in-house” home care gone then?

Bristol Labour Party’s cheerleaders at The Evening Cancer and the T&G might want to celebrate a popular victory for the people but Peter Hammond’s recent outbursts in The Cancer on the future of home care raise far more questions than they answer.

“I am prepared to be very clear on this issue,” said Hammond, “The proposals for privatisation that were put forward by the Liberal Democrats in March have been stopped. The second stage of the process has also been stopped.”

All well and good. But what next? There’s plenty of warm words and vague promises from Hammond: “What we will be doing is going back and consulting with users and workers and looking at how we can improve the service and increase levels of service. This will be done with the active involvement of the home care workforce and the users”

This is all very nice but he’s failed to provide even a vague outline of what his intentions for the service really are; he’s failed to rule out further privatisation of the service by his own party; he’s failed to commit to an “in-house” service and he’s failed to explain where he intends to get the money from to “improve the service and increase levels of service” in a way compatible with Labour’s election promises.

In something of a first – even for the Bristol Labour Party – Hammond has in fact announced an uncosted non-plan! This type of nonsense might send the imbeciles down at The Cancer – who seem to have given up on analysis and objectivity when it comes to the home care service – and Hammond’s friends at the T&G into raptures but it’s ringing alarm bells among those a little more aware of the financial realities of social service provision under New Labour.

Hammond wandering around the social services department with his notepad and pen having an open-ended discussion with home care staff and users and drawing up a crazed wish-list does not constitute a plan. Neither is it a realistic approach for very long given tight social services budgets generally across the country and particularly in Bristol, still supposedly the subject of a social services financial recovery plan after chaos in the department just two years ago.

So what is the real plan Peter? Are you overspending any budgets while you devise it? And who’s going to pick up the tab?

Last time round it was your day care users…

Posted in Bristol, Bristol Evening Post, Home Care, Labour Party, Local elections 2007, Local government, Trade Unionism | | There are no comments yet

Tall tales of Bristol

Avon Gorge

Bristolian mythology and folklore hasn’t exactly been a growth industry of late. This is finally being rectified on that old Teardrop Exploder Julian Cope’s The Modern Antiquarian website where Stewart Guy has been exploring the myths and stories of Goram.

The giant Goram was reputed to have lived in the Henbury area of the city – no really, I’m not making this up – spent a lot of time stomping across Durdham Downs and is said to have dug the Avon Gorge and created the early settlement of Bristol.

It’s off-the-wall stuff but Guy’s done his research and anyone looking for something beyond the couple of lines dedicated to Goram in Blaise Castle guides might, at least, want to start here.

Enjoy.

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Hateworld's Big Brother watch

Hate World

Brace yourselves. This may come as a shock… Hateworld can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that tabloid newspapers will print any old bollocks!

“Lesbian romps at cocaine bash” thundered The Sun on Friday in a story about our Emily, the Big Brother Bristolian and Downend’s biggest celebrity export since Bananarama.

“The 19-year-old — who has posted pictures of herself on a website looking “wasted” next to a toilet — left partygoers stunned as she stripped another girl,” drooled the newspaper of the privately educated, Tory voting drama student, “Emily then fondled her boobs before disappearing into a bedroom with her for the night.”

Blimey. Hot stuff eh? And there’s more… “She also performed crude acts on lads at the bash and did a raunchy lapdance for one.”

And more… “One partygoer said: ‘We were at this girl’s house outside Bristol last April and I saw Emily sniffing coke in the kitchen.'”

Sounds like our Emily’s pretty game then… Er, not exactly. Our man at the party has a slightly different tale to tell:

“I was at the party – and it was not it was not all it has been cracked up to be. She drank 2 Bacardi Breezers and some Scrumpy then went outside to eat fish and chips whilst looking at the stars. When she went back in all these spotty youth said things like “I bet you have been shagging….”

So there you have it. The base metal of normal teenagers drinking alcopops and cheap scrumpy followed by a fish and chip supper transformed by Murdoch’s finest into the tabloid gold of “Lesbian romps at cocaine bash”.

Who’d of ever thought it?

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