Prefabricated henhouse news

Right then.

A big thanks to all our Bristol City Council readers who’ve sent in Jan Ormondroyd’s welcome message. Here it is:

Dear Colleague

I hope you have had a good Easter break and that despite the weather you had the opportunity for some fun and relaxation.

Easter is generally seen as a turning point in the year with spring bringing new growth and opportunities after a long hard winter. I am therefore delighted to be joining you at this auspicious time when it feels that Bristol is at a turning point. We have challenges ahead to put Bristol on both the national and regional map and to let others see what we can genuinely achieve. But equally importantly we have to deliver improved outcomes for the people of Bristol, through vastly improved partnership working with other key organisations throughout the city as well as local communities themselves.

I have been encouraged by some of the people I have met to date and their enthusiasm and commitment to make a real difference. I hope to meet with many more of you in the coming months. I am sure there will be challenges and opportunities for everyone and I look forward to working with you to deliver a Council that will be seen as the best in the business.

Best wishes

Jan Ormondroyd

Chief Executive

So this is the quality of leadership you get for £180k a year is it? A metaphor for renewal – “spring” – that’s so stale and hackneyed that the term cliché doesn’t start to do it justice accompanied by a load of the same old vague management speak – “deliver improved outcomes for the people of Bristol, through vastly improved partnership working with other key organisations throughout the city as well as local communities” – we’ve all heard a thousand times before and know means nothing.

“Phrases tacked together like the sections of a prefabricated henhouse” someone once accurately called this kind of crap.

For £180k a year can’t you tell us exactly what “outcomes” you’re anticipating Jan? Who these “key organisations” are? And what “partners” you’re really intending to work with? Or are you afraid of something? Have we got ourselves yet another paralysed paranoid wretch at the top already?

Meanwhile those of you worried about where Jan’s next free lunch is coming from can rest easy. After her 3 April private sector “Practical Networking for Female Leaders” gig, Jan will be lunching – at their expense! – with Voscur, the local voluntary sector representatives on 15 April.

This promises to be an interesting meeting as Jan’s predecessor Pigfucker Gurney wasted hours of the voluntary sector’s time earlier this year agreeing “[a] framework of priorities for funding” only to renege on the lot of it just months later. Many of those involved in these meetings are now collecting their P45s while Pigfucker collects his generous pension …

Will Jan be putting her incredible spring metaphor to more use here we wonder? Or will she have a new one for us? Apparently The Very Hungry Caterpillar is suitable for the under-fives too Jan.

And finally – and this really is final – Derek Pickup that gormless plank cabinet member for education will be presenting a six month report on his work next Tuesday to the Children’s Services Scrutiny Commission.

Don’t get too excited though. Despite our education service being a total basketcase that’s bottom of every national league table going, grafter Derek’s managed to sum up his contribution in just two sides of double-spaced typed paper.

Although this is arguably better than his last effort in October 2007 (pdf) when he presented a few glossy pictures, some crappy management jargon and a quote from the Labour Secretary of State for Education, Ed Balls to the committee. Keep up the good work Derek!

This meeting will also feature the last roll of the dice from Derek’s £140k a year chief education officer, Heather Tomlinson. In another desperate effort to look like she’s doing something useful, Heather’s now doing some deckchair rearrangement or management reorganisation (pdf) if you prefer.

Alongside yet more privatisation of our services we can also say goodbye to her £2m a year “directorate” and instead say hello to her £2m a year “enabler core”. Although, of course, all the overpaid failures currently in the “directorate” will be safely transferred to the “enabler core”, which is good news is it not?

And that’s it folks. On that note The Blogger is calling it a day for the time being. We’ve done a year solid reporting on these useless twats and that’s enough for anyone. If you haven’t realised you’re being done over yet, then you’re never going to.

We’re now off to pursue some “new projects”, although they’ll be some occasional postings on this site as we use our time to follow up some of those bigger stories we’ve missed due to the workload.

Look out for stuff on local Labour funding, SWRDA IT budgets and ISiS/Southwest One over the coming months along with the odd ramble here and there. But the day-to-day stuff, alas, is gone until we return this time next year for the local elections …

We’ll leave you with George Dunning’s The Flying Man, which me and the Small Blogger rediscovered while hunting down Yellow Submarine.

Perhaps there’s a metaphor in there somewhere?


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15 Responses to Prefabricated henhouse news

  1. BristolPatriot says:

    Well ,well BB does this mean you might be running for election next year?Seeing as you mention it.
    One wonders what the new chief executive will feel when a small avalanche of corporate complaints arrives in the post over the coming days.

  2. Matt says:

    […] BB over and out?…… I don’t think so! […]

  3. inks says:

    Aw… I’ve only recently come across your great blog and you’re going.

    I have no idea who you are – ‘we’ gets used a lot in the last post so I’m guessing there’s more than one Bristol Blogger – but now when I meet some bored Bristol bureaucrat I’m going to be wondering “do they have a secret side – am I face-to-face with the mysterious blogger?”.

    Great work and looking forward to your return!

  4. Chris Hutt says:

    It was great while it lasted, but like all good things had to come to an end, or at least a pause.

    I only discovered BB two months ago through my involvement with the Railway Path campaign, so his sabbatical comes a bit prematurely, especially since that particular campaign is far from over. Where else are we going to find blow-by-blow coverage delivered with such wit and partisanship?

    Still it’s spring, the evenings are about to get a lot lighter and there’s more to life than hunching over a keypad for hours on end spewing out bile (or so they tell me). Who can blame BB for giving himself a well-deserved break?

    BB, when you do put in an appearance here again be sure to send an email out to all your fans. Or does some internet savvy type know some way of getting alerts of new postings automatically?

  5. Ella says:

    I have no idea who you are – ‘we’ gets used a lot in the last post so I’m guessing there’s more than one Bristol Blogger

    All important people refer to themselves as We. The Queen, Allah, Thatcher.

  6. iamabristolbloggertoo says:

    We always knew you were really Nick Gurney. The people of Bristol wish you a happy retirement

  7. Ed says:

    you can try to stay away mate, but the rage will bring you back – or maybe spring’s love bunnies and new governance has lightened your heavy heart? either way, we’ll be here for you – ‘spose i better start reading private eye to keep the bile going while you’re gone.

  8. Keren says:

    ummm… how am I supposed to get news if you’re going?

  9. Pingback: The Bristol Blogger is dead, long live the Bristol Blogger « Bristle’s Blog from the BunKRS

  10. thebristolblogger says:

    ummm… how am I supposed to get news if you’re going?

    The Evening Post? It’s “The paper all Bristol asked for and helped to create,” after all.

  11. Woodsy says:

    “The paper all Bristol asked for and helped to create,”

    I don’t know how much the populace of Bristol ‘asked for’ the Evening Post and its pathetic standards of journalism (e.g. headlines in the style of ‘Hartcliffe man stubs toe on Bristol Bridge’ whilst displaying a singular inability to conduct investigative journalism) in the sense of a request. Is perhaps our august local organ using the words ‘asked for’ in the sense of deserve?

  12. Overayard says:

    Saw her on local tv last week, live from the centre. Loved the ” as a northerner I like people who speak their minds…. .”

    It just made me think. I like black people cos they have rhythm, i love white men cos they can’t jump, the chinese, they are fantastic, they all own take aways and work so hard, i adore the working class cos they are all drunken feckless fools. Sorry i am talking in hackneyed, cliché ridden clap-trap.

    Well atleast I did not start it.

    The problem is “like appoints like”, if idiots can appoint they just appoint more idiots.

  13. thebristolblogger says:

    She was sat in a high chair last night at the council meeting doing absolutely fuck all like some sort of £180k a year cake decoration or maybe a new council chamber bauble? I mean all the other councils have got one haven’t they?

  14. Peace out Bristol Blogger! Keep up the great work wherever you are.

    Spar with you another day, another place perhaps.


    Until such time.

  15. Tyrone Shoelaces says:

    I think it was George Orwell who used the words about prefabricated henhouses.

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