Prefabricated henhouse news

Right then.

A big thanks to all our Bristol City Council readers who’ve sent in Jan Ormondroyd’s welcome message. Here it is:

Dear Colleague

I hope you have had a good Easter break and that despite the weather you had the opportunity for some fun and relaxation.

Easter is generally seen as a turning point in the year with spring bringing new growth and opportunities after a long hard winter. I am therefore delighted to be joining you at this auspicious time when it feels that Bristol is at a turning point. We have challenges ahead to put Bristol on both the national and regional map and to let others see what we can genuinely achieve. But equally importantly we have to deliver improved outcomes for the people of Bristol, through vastly improved partnership working with other key organisations throughout the city as well as local communities themselves.

I have been encouraged by some of the people I have met to date and their enthusiasm and commitment to make a real difference. I hope to meet with many more of you in the coming months. I am sure there will be challenges and opportunities for everyone and I look forward to working with you to deliver a Council that will be seen as the best in the business.

Best wishes

Jan Ormondroyd

Chief Executive

So this is the quality of leadership you get for £180k a year is it? A metaphor for renewal – “spring” – that’s so stale and hackneyed that the term cliché doesn’t start to do it justice accompanied by a load of the same old vague management speak – “deliver improved outcomes for the people of Bristol, through vastly improved partnership working with other key organisations throughout the city as well as local communities” – we’ve all heard a thousand times before and know means nothing.

“Phrases tacked together like the sections of a prefabricated henhouse” someone once accurately called this kind of crap.

For £180k a year can’t you tell us exactly what “outcomes” you’re anticipating Jan? Who these “key organisations” are? And what “partners” you’re really intending to work with? Or are you afraid of something? Have we got ourselves yet another paralysed paranoid wretch at the top already?

Meanwhile those of you worried about where Jan’s next free lunch is coming from can rest easy. After her 3 April private sector “Practical Networking for Female Leaders” gig, Jan will be lunching – at their expense! – with Voscur, the local voluntary sector representatives on 15 April.

This promises to be an interesting meeting as Jan’s predecessor Pigfucker Gurney wasted hours of the voluntary sector’s time earlier this year agreeing “[a] framework of priorities for funding” only to renege on the lot of it just months later. Many of those involved in these meetings are now collecting their P45s while Pigfucker collects his generous pension …

Will Jan be putting her incredible spring metaphor to more use here we wonder? Or will she have a new one for us? Apparently The Very Hungry Caterpillar is suitable for the under-fives too Jan.

And finally – and this really is final – Derek Pickup that gormless plank cabinet member for education will be presenting a six month report on his work next Tuesday to the Children’s Services Scrutiny Commission.

Don’t get too excited though. Despite our education service being a total basketcase that’s bottom of every national league table going, grafter Derek’s managed to sum up his contribution in just two sides of double-spaced typed paper.

Although this is arguably better than his last effort in October 2007 (pdf) when he presented a few glossy pictures, some crappy management jargon and a quote from the Labour Secretary of State for Education, Ed Balls to the committee. Keep up the good work Derek!

This meeting will also feature the last roll of the dice from Derek’s £140k a year chief education officer, Heather Tomlinson. In another desperate effort to look like she’s doing something useful, Heather’s now doing some deckchair rearrangement or management reorganisation (pdf) if you prefer.

Alongside yet more privatisation of our services we can also say goodbye to her £2m a year “directorate” and instead say hello to her £2m a year “enabler core”. Although, of course, all the overpaid failures currently in the “directorate” will be safely transferred to the “enabler core”, which is good news is it not?

And that’s it folks. On that note The Blogger is calling it a day for the time being. We’ve done a year solid reporting on these useless twats and that’s enough for anyone. If you haven’t realised you’re being done over yet, then you’re never going to.

We’re now off to pursue some “new projects”, although they’ll be some occasional postings on this site as we use our time to follow up some of those bigger stories we’ve missed due to the workload.

Look out for stuff on local Labour funding, SWRDA IT budgets and ISiS/Southwest One over the coming months along with the odd ramble here and there. But the day-to-day stuff, alas, is gone until we return this time next year for the local elections …

We’ll leave you with George Dunning’s The Flying Man, which me and the Small Blogger rediscovered while hunting down Yellow Submarine.

Perhaps there’s a metaphor in there somewhere?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvKaRm9WepA]