No. 1: That incisive, cutting and witty monologue you so lovingly produced half-pissed on Friday night may not have quite the qualities you thought by Monday morning…
A clearly tired and emotional gentleman of the local press took to the blogosphere on Friday night to tell The Blogger a thing or two about the unimpeachable integrity of local journalists such as himself and the general all-round excellence and brilliance of the local press of which he is an integral part.
In the course of a wide ranging and, some might say, slightly embittered rant the pissed hack using the nom de plume ‘Mainstream’ told The Blogger:
You probably think you’re big and brave for taking the piss out of the BNP, while there are people working in the local “mainstream” press, and other papers up and down the country, who put their names on the BNP stories they research and write, risking violence, intimidation and ending up on the Redwatch hate-list because of it. That takes more balls that you’ll ever have.
Ooh, er missus! Get her…
So what did The Blogger find when he opened his copy of The Cancer yesterday morning? Only a garbled story on page 12 concerning the BNP. It was about who might have racially abused who when the BNP were sent packing out of Fishponds by locals recently. One of The Blogger’s stories that The Cancer didn’t even bother covering at the time.
And which brave hack “risk[ed] violence, intimidation and ending up on the Redwatch hate-list” to bring us this BNP story then? ‘John Houseman’ according to the byline.
Well done John. The drinks are on The Blogger when we meet… Or they would be if you actually existed! Because unfortunately ‘John Houseman’ is a regular and well-known pseudonym used by The Cancer when they want to hide the identity of the real writer of a story. Wow! What balls.
But let’s not forget it isn’t just the superior courage and bravery of the boys in The Cancer newsroom that makes them better than the rest of us. ‘Mainstream’ also explains:
Please don’t flatter yourself that anyone would steal the stories of some nihilist nobody on the web. They come from proper sources; newswires, reading press releases between the lines, but mainly from contacting people and doing research. It’s called journalism.
Well that’s told me then as I turn to the very next story – on page 13 – in yesterday’s Cancer – ‘Bristol’s on the right wavelength’:
The group behind Bristol’s bid to become the country’s leading digital city is pushing on with its pledges despite failing to win a competition last month … There were 10 regions in the running for the top prize … Manchester was named the overall winner
Interesting stuff. No doubt people have been contacted, the research done and so “It’s called journalism” down at The Cancer. Only one problem here. It’s wrong. Manchester was not “the overall winner”. Sunderland was. Have a look for yourself.
Ho, ho, ho. It looks like it’s back to the drawing board for the The Evening Cancer and its oh-so superior, moralising hacks. Their brilliantly staged attack on The Blogger has totally backfired, producing some high falutin’ pompous lecture with no basis in reality and enough running gags to keep us going for the next year.
Feel free to have another crack next Friday night after a few drinks ‘Mainstream’ mate.