Helen Holland's Christmas message by Simon Caplan

> Date: Mon, 24 Dec 2007 12:20:58 +0100
> From: simon.caplan@bristol.gov.uk
> To: helen.holland@bristol.gov.uk
> Subject: Re: Xmas Message to the People

> Didn’t have time to finish the Xmas message as we’ve all gone to the pub instead after what has, frankly, been a nightmare of a fucking year trying to flog your dead horse of a council.

> Neither do we envisage much better next year if you Bees and Hammond have anything to do with it. Thanks a bunch love.
> We had a quick brainstorming session before we started sinking the gin in quantities and here’s a few buzz words and phrases. Just string ’em together to make your message.

>highly successful – significant improvements – service delivery – partnership working – delivering quality – customer focus – outcomes – value for money – innovation – community – leadership – energy – commitment – enthusiasm – continuous improvement – CSCI – OFSTED – CPA – ODPM – Showcase Bus Corridor – Beacon Council – Excellence in Procurement – Innovation – Improving Well – excellence – challenges ahead –  attitudes –  embedding values – best wishes to you and your families for Christmas and in the New Year …  – Jesus wept what a load of bollocks – we’re fucked – good night.

>See you next year if the RDA job offer doesn’t happen

> Simon

> Simon Caplan
> Head of Corporate Communications
> Bristol City Council
> 0117 922 2647

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7 Responses to Helen Holland's Christmas message by Simon Caplan

  1. You could also add the phrase ‘UK’s green capital’ or something similar like ‘green capital of Europe’ or ‘green city’ or ‘sustainable city’ to the list of buzz words they often use that show no resemblance to the reality of the place. Have they even looked out of their window at the traffic??

  2. Archie says:

    Today I watched a programme about how Bristol was an economic powerhouse of the west, it seems that since Avon County Council days Bristol has become a grave yard of broken promises and a brain drain of ambition.

  3. The Last Bristolian says:

    It’s become a graveyard since it filled up with people organising “Arts Trails ” and batique flag making courses. To many people downsizing from London who don’t want to “push” the city economically. Who would have played at the Arena? No-one they’d be interested in seeing. “too commercial”
    Will they go to the new leisure zone/pool at Hengrove? No, cus “it’s not very nice over there”
    Will they visit the New Broadmead? No, not their kind of place, not their kind of people. Too many people with “that horrible accent”
    Do they want a Tram ? No, not when it might restrict using the VW camper Van/Morris 1100 whose filthy fumes they choose to ignore..

  4. bluebaldee says:

    ….or as Stephen Merchant put it tonight on the Extras Christmas Special: “Bristol – famous for sheepshagging, inbreeding and slavery!”

    And Christ! I wish you wouldn’t do that thing with the snow – I seriously thought that I was experiencing an acid flashback or the sudden onset of glucoma!

  5. Gill says:

    Christ and I thought it was me getting old, thanks bluebaldee, I was about to sit on the NHS Direct telephone number for doubtless hours to get that sorted! Snow I ask ya – Brissol Drizzol maybe 🙂

  6. Jenny says:

    The snow’s gone. Hurray. Or my eyes are recovering from the excess gin

  7. Pingback: Tidings of red trousers and joy … « The Bristol Blogger

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