Well what a day of utter wankery this has been. Here at Blogger HQ we had a table to get rid of and we immediately thought of our old mate Vowlsie and his recycling mantras – REDUCE: REUSE: RECYCLE.
Let’s not just throw the table away we thought, let’s do the right thing (and save on the city council’s £15 bulky waste collection fee to boot) and get it reused by one of these new-fangled furniture recycling do-gooder outfits.
A phone call to Old Market’s Sofa Project – “the UK’s leading furniture and electrical appliance re-use charity” – followed:
“Hi we’ve got a table that could be reused. Would you like to come and collect it?”
“OK. That’ll be ten pounds please.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“That’ll be ten pounds please.”
“We have to pay? But surely you’re paid already through government funding and you sell the furniture don’t you?”
“Yes but rising costs have forced us to suspend our ‘free collection’ policy. Our accountants tell us that in fact it costs us £15 each time we call at a home. As a charity we can no longer continue to cover this cost from our own resource. So that’ll be ten pounds in advance please.”
“OK. Seems a bit of con but when can you come?”
“Beg your pardon?”
“It’ll cost me ten quid and take you four weeks to collect a table?”
“Yes. That’s how long the wait is at the moment.”
“Has your accountant mentioned the fact you’re fucking useless? Cheerio!”
A call then ensued to Emmaus. They allegedly reuse furniture for the homeless. “We don’t need tables thank you very much and even if we did we can’t pick it up for two weeks – goodbye.”
We eventually phoned a second hand company in South Bristol. They’re collecting it FOC first thing tomorrow, which makes you wonder . . . How come a private business can collect our table, at short notice, the next day for nothing and make a profit but a government and council funded charity specifically designed for this very purpose is so completely inefficient it cannot and runs at a loss?